I'm looking for company to go to Zet's exhibit opening tomorrow. :D (http://mrazgirl.multiply.com/journal) Maybe a group who'll meetup in school first. I'm familiar with that place, but don't want to get myself lost again.
--
WATCHMEN! Ooh effin' epic trailer! But I'm still skeptical. I wish they didn't have to put the entire thing in one movie. Wouldn't that risk being overkill? It's such a substantial book (yes, I call it a book).
And why does Dr. Manhattan glow there?? Can he switch that off? I know he can.
--
New ID
:P
Something simple finally.
--
I have a reflex for giving my works way too much colors. Must try not to burn retinas or give seizures.
It just escapes me how other people are able to capture plain photographs but still get it perfectly right and eyecandy--soulful and/or substantial. Stuff my eyes can't pass or ignore. Wish I can do that.
Too much colors? I swear it's not drugs. I'm a clean girl so far. :)
The characters all talk like jologs fourth graders and the final supposedly-passionate goodbye sex scene is a snore. It's worse than a whatever high school video project. Whores for actors, I suppose.
We could just die now. If we haven't already died thrice earlier--two movies we and everyone else wanted to see were sold out and we saw a movie that we thought is the worst already but we were wrong. We don't need zombies to eat our squishy pink skull contents. Pure indie faggotry (ah puns!).
Perhaps its me and my friend's fault for not checking out what the movie is about. We picked a total random title. Whatever's available because the good ones sold out. At least the ticket costs only 50 bucks each, student's discount.
Maybe The Dark Knight sometime this weekend would help restore some brains that's been raped off of me from watching that abomination.
I was text-ranting it out on Thorny with dry humor, and I guess I was so traumatized by the shittiness of the film that through how I texted he thought I was feeling suicidal. It was funny, my texting. Um. More funny-odd than a funny-haha.
OK, no it's not funny at all.
Oh wait, me and the friend I watched it with agreed that this day never happened. I ploughed through the storm for this and sigh... It's bad. It's real bad. I wasn't moved nor entertained. No not one bit.
Yeah, yesterday never happened. I shall not talk about it again.
Some indie are pretty good. Some are simply shit. I bet most local ones only romanticize poverty and daily life and abuse too much, too often. Cliche. I wonder how many people would admit that.
Now, onto good old blockbuster popcorn loving for our inner children and geeks!
I can't wait for The Dark Knight. I love Batman. And Aaron Eckhart will be there too and there will be a twist about him. Lots of my friends are comicbook geeks, hah. So I know.
I still like the old spooky playful dandy Joker with a creepy huge smile better (imagine comicbook/cartoon come alive), but I should not compare when I watch it this weekend.
OOH SOMEONE JUST TOLD ME A CERTAIN IRISH ACTOR I LOVE TO DEATH makes a return/cameo. Heheheh. Even just a glimpse. Just a tiny glimpse.
Villains villains. You know what I wish for? That they make a Catwoman movie based on the Michelle Pfeiffer version. Rawr. Amen? It seems like such a sin that they didn't.
And I personally didn't like Wanted. The guy there talks too much it annoyed me. I'm not too easily impressed by movies I guess. I'm an ass. Unless it involves giant robots maybe.
Takes a little patience in the beginning to get to the interesting part.
I love it.
***
I've been studying human anatomy a lot. I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to that.
Many times I've been so perfectionist I couldn't even begin. Made me unproductive. I'm determined to unlearn that part of the perfectionist attitude.
I don't want to just draw from the eye. Get everything "accurate."
I'm still a student and will forever be. I haven't even had lessons from anyone before. My course has nothing to do with drawing people. Just furniture and room layouts maybe and I'm not even there yet. Still have a long way to go. I'm no genius. I'm glad about being able to improve. Glad that I'm even striving to improve.
I'm not the best, but there's no such thing as the best. And I dare not call myself anything that strictly (eg: "artist"--unless I'm trying to sell something because dammit don't we all need to eat don't we).
Someone told me about attachment. Also had me read an article.
Many of us, while young, are attached to the idea of becoming something. That's why people suffer from "creative block." They're pressing themselves in fear of losing the identity they want to achieve (eg: artist, writer). At least that's how I understood it. You know, very tightly grasped goals.
I may not be in the same track of thought, but I still believe people should work for something. Nothing wrong with attachment. Nothing wrong with building ourselves. Nothing wrong with taking control. Nothing wrong with having aims--although it seems "required" or more respectable to have dreams and the bigger and more distant our ambitions, the better. Sigh.
Maybe that's why I can't sit still and have to go somewhere and do something all the time. Figuratively itchy buttcheeks.
sfhk fhtjryjfhs qwret irgrndfn
Sorry I uh lost track. But don't you think I typed a little better than the lazy inarticulate random narcissistic gibberish that I usually do?
I don't take writing seriously. I just journal away to put the knotted thoughts into neat yarnballs and remind myself of what went on today and remind myself of what I need to do, where I want to go. Such as this post.
***
Vote Sandwich. Chicosci is leading. I don't like that.
My kidsis used to pronounce it ChiKOskee. Heh heh.
New upload on my deviantart. Yeah, lusty surreal something. Anatomy practice. Tell me what you think?
I miss taking pictures. My dad needs the digicam. I wonder if anyone is generous enough to lend me. Hint hint.
I have terrible memory. And tend to mix up memories of who said what, to whom I said what, or which is dream which is real, which is to-do, which is actually-done. Or if we've met. Or if I just added you. Or if we'd just met. I'm getting worse. I am such a Ten Second Tom.
There's a muse-material model I like named Fanni Bostrom.
I'm submitting this to a contest in Deviantart. It's an old photo I took using Mike's camera (RIP--the camera, not Mike), Roxanne was the model, shot in Cubao (so stop asking where I took those pictures). There are tons of other great entries I saw but what the hell. For fun.
Wish me luck.
***
Here comes the blah. Please skim.
/BEGIN
I feel very stuck lately. Very frantic, uneasy, short-breathed out of worrying that my time is running out. The future, moving away from people I refuse to tolerate any further, being able to afford the necessary tools to progress, being able to support myself...
Urgent needs, urgent needs.
I don't want to lose myself completely to urgent needs. Sometimes, life's that difficult you simply have to "grow up" and accept that you can't have each and every one of your goals and wishes.
And to think I wasn't even the romantic type in the first place--I no longer have room for that since I was like eight years old lest I put myself up for killer disappointment at every turn because that's how the world is. (Sorry for the cynicism.)
When somebody grows up, s/he decided that s/he has to whore out to make ends meet. That it's not such a bad thing afterall. Sell out. Sell the self. Lose the self. Change your writing/art/anything style. Please the masses. Make something every single teenager can relate to. Dumb down to be one step more "accommodating". (I was meaning to post about whoring out but somebody beat me to it, heheh.)
We live in gray. What the hell, it's my fave color to wear anyway.
Suddenly I was talking about improving my skills enough to ONLY be able to take on commissions and work in the future instead. I don't want to think like that so much. I need to get some balance back.
Stop being so anxious about everything, Jules. It's turning you into a weirdo. Cut it with the worst case scenarios. Don't give yourself a time-limit. Etc etc etc.
Everything Will Be OK! OK? Okk!
Sigh. Well, that was a lot.
/END
***
In the beginning I thought Noodle's a boy. Then came the video where she's dancing, I thought she's a queer boy. When I learned that Noodle's a girl, it didn't make any difference.
I love Noodle. So cute. I would totally dress like her.
I am booooooored, sick, and still in a creative block.
Can anyone recommend a good how to speak French audio CD and where to find it?
Can't get over the 300 PG version in Youtube. It's so intentionally bad it's funny. Caketown! And I'm probably last to know but the Charlie unicorn thing has a part two.
Warning: here comes the gloomy boo-hoos! Skim this post.
***
When I'm anonymous in public, I'm fearless. When I'm in places where I know I'll be recognized and seen again, I freeze and wish I were dead. Spaces feel too wide, everything looked too open, I'm running out of places to go and stay. I would duck and dodge. Hope that didn't show. I don't know why.
It's easy to think "yeah I can take on this" but it vanishes by the time you're in that situation. Perhaps I just need company to go around, but I'm not a siamese twin. Perhaps I've taken too much shit before and they've been ingrained in me, but I thought I'm someone mobile who hates dwelling on things. I was a playful, cheerful, talkative kid waaay way back. What happened to that?
***
I've been told I'm too hard on myself.
I know everyone wants to be something and realistically not all of them get what they want. Most of them, however, know how to be content. That's fantastic. There are certain elemental keys to success, personal or otherwise, that not all individuals have.
And I now have the confidence to say that I probably have many of them--except courage (and some luck).
You only realize how important something is when you don't have it.
***
There are so many people I want to reach out to. And I feel bad for having missed out on making better friends with whom I went/go to school with, particularly in Taft. Opportunities, opportunities. A lot of them are amazing, fun people. I've also been mistaken for being ill-mannered and snobbish.
I regret nothing except missing out on things.
The timidity is at an absurd level though I mask it well. It's ruining my dailies, crippling me from doing what an average person my age ought to do.
To joke, some people confront using alcohol now and then but I can't because I'm allergic. I don't like taking too much sugar; I'm health-conscious. Coffee gives me palpitations and I've had enough palpitations without it already. :D
I can't say it's social phobia blah blah, because I am genuinely interested in people and would hate to be an hermit.
Yet I've been told I have the potential to be the fearless great person I wish I were. I'm eternally grateful to the one who believed in me, listens to me, and encourages me.
The rest is upto me. I just don't know what to do. Where to start.
Time's running out. I'm officially an adult now--shouldn't I have figured this out and solved it by now?
I'm really worried about going back to school in September! :((
***
Also, I'm in a crappy artist's block. Boo. And the dye says violet on the label but made me a redhead. Bright red. Well, it ain't that bad..
First ever finished work, first attempt at digital coloring. 'M glad people don't think it's shit. Will upload more!
I've been drawing a lot thanks to Thorny. I used to think I suck so I stopped drawing. He used to not take his art seriously either.
Thorny is my kickass comrade (but will be my minion once I take over the world ha). He's a bespectacled Kung-Fu Panda minus the kung-fu and the oriental-ness.
I'm so oriental I was born with kung-fu abilities, live solely on rice and tofu and can barely see out of my slit-eyes yet manage to catch flies with chopsticks. *bows*
Anyway, we will Be Cosmic™.
I had my hair cut into a diagonal bob. Kept the purple. I actually hope the 90's trends return. Especially alternative late 90's.
Was told I have a Clark Kent - Superman thing going on because of my glasses and that no one recognizes me without glasses, vice versa. Sounds fun. Can't wait to get rid of them tho. My vision is getting worse. I was told they prevent the vision from worsening.
Can anyone tell me more about contact lenses? Share stories!
Say he put his glasses on. "Mr. Kent, what are you doing in a Superman costume?"
I'm on LOA and the least weird-ass reasons are I need a break and I want to work or learn. No need to believe me.
Speed Racer should have had a warning for epileptics. Poor epileptic children.
Spikey was addicted. He saw it twice in the movies and will see it again. Thorny thinks I'll love it and I dig the politics in it too and knew I would love love love Trixie. ^-------^ Oh Trixie...
I will be an ass and "review" it. I think most critiques and reviewers are asses who can't enjoy life and see things the way they are. I kid. Perhaps I am one of them! I kid. And don't mind the typos.
PLOT & STORY The politics is too strong for kids. Most of them probably do not understand the meaning of "sponsor" yet. I think they should've simplified that part of the plot. The story is very basic and it is a very family movie. 'Sall I can say.
HUMOR & TARGET AUDIENCE It had a Spy Kids impression for me. It was more G than I expected, since I thought the revival of a nostalgic piece intends to rake in some older audiences as well. Amidst the gradeschool humor, they did insert grownup bits, or tried to, but instead turned out looking out of place for the kind of movie it is.
I didn't get the camp in it. I get that it's supposed to be campy, but it turned out childish. Their outside-looking-in execution of retro Asian--especially Japanese--pop culture could've been done better.
THE LOOKS Speaking of the looks, the colors, set design and graphics although well-done is overwhelming for most people. I was dazed for about an hour after seeing it.
The photo-geek in me thinks they should've stuck to a certain color scheme while keeping it colorful. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory did well with that. Don't blast us with every damn color in the spectrum every damn second. But lords, I love the diamond, heart, rectangular-shaped bokeh! It's visually inspiring for me in a way, since I take pictures and enjoy whimsical colorful themes.
I think it would do well for IMAX (but oh the poor epileptic children).
Generally, it's eyecandy anyway. :D
PACING (or whatever it's called) One of the mistakes of the movie is that it gave out too much, basically tried to blow us away too early into the show. Every second was over saturated. Again, it was overwhelming, distracting, and kind of overkill.
MISC Since the movie is about racing, I wish I saw more racing POV that would give me some rushing speed-envy instead of just watching a futuristic oversized Vegas pinball machine of a rollercoaster.
Not too impressed with the score, though the acid jazz number in the hand-to-hand combat scene I really dig.
When it comes to how faithful the makers are to the cartoon, I won't go there. I didn't remember much. Even if did, I try to see the original and adaptation differently on their own, else geeks like us go mad at every movie adaptation (Aeon Flux, argh).
I'm going to ruin this post and say "who gives a shit? I had fun." And got really disoriented afterwards. Again, I am really sorry for sounding like a nitpicking ass. I kind of want to watch it again tho...for the bokeh.
Ironman > Speedracer
***
Thorny, One of the minor characters in Speed Racer looks like Trevor Goodchild in the Aeon Flux cartoon. And Western remakes are usually no better than the original but Elisha Cuthbert will be in My Sassy Girl. Yay, Elisha Cuthbert. If I cut my hair, blame Trixie.
Spikey, I'm still disoriented. Everything is so...colorless now. Mygad. Good luck driving. Meh, you don't read my blog.
Vince, How is my "review"? :D :D :D No, you don't read my blog either.
No load or internet sucks.
BTW, here's a real cool old video Perfect Drug by Nine Inch Nails I was talking about:
- nailpolish. - ye olde glasses. - men's dresshirt for jacket when indoors. - big skull shirt. - shorts, i love thee. - sneakers and colorful socks. What I usually wear. Lazy lazy summer.
Click for bigger. It's temporary. I wonder what color next...
Draw draw paint paint. Ironman was fun. Tony Stark's hot. Weed was disillusioning and will "probably turn me normal"--not my words. Bought a pair of jeans. Oh I hate jeans but need them. Watching Speedracer tomorrow. ORANGEORANGE! It's a nice word. Sister jets off to China to see mum. Brother going next. Me staying because I had my turn. Hate my hair and want to cut the back. Draw draw, bum, draw, and oh yeah eat and sleep also because I kept forgetting.
If only I have enough time, I'll read all your entries.
And before it fades (again):
That was the firs dye. I dyed it again (powder-only) and now it's more bluey. Like Clementine-blue! The pink pigments didn't stay so instead of purple, it's blue-violet. Don't you wish you were blond so you can dye your hair any color you want? I like temporary. I like it when it fades.
I was sick yesterday and still sick today. Didn't do much but had fun. Thanks for the wishes, folks! Means a lot. Thanks to Thorny for rescuing me from Chinatown.
I'm getting internet withdrawal. Since our new home isn't as accessible and evening-friendly as the previous, I had to stay home a lot. If I stay home, I prefer to go online for fresh reads and eyecandy, but noooo we don't internet.
I used to want to stand out with my art or whatnot very badly. And seeing all the great things people my age or younger are capable of gave me pangs of inferiority complex. But someone, whom I haven't even met yet, told me something along the lines of "you/I may not be the best, but..."
I'm not the best. But then, no one is. There is no such thing as the best... That's a comforting thought.
So I'll keep going with my craft. Draw more, take more pictures. Do it well. And while I'm at it, I'll go out and explore, make friends, make more friends. Do it well. Don't think too much. Don't worry. Don't be too perfectionist, especially an all-or-nothing sort.
I moved (to chinatown--go ahead and joke about it hah hah hah). Won't be able to update for a while. NO PHONE/NET. I think this counts as the eighth move in my lifetime.
A lot of people are out of town or overseas or officially tasting joblessness for the first time. I'll miss them for the time being. BUT but but, me and some not-so-busy friends have plans.
HELLO SUMMER. >:D
Also, goodbye to whirlwind adolescence very very soon. Like numbers make a difference, if you know what I mean. I still look and behave like a freakin' kiddie.
- wrap tie front jacket - blood red rose corsage worn as chocker - deep red nail polish - those chunky rings again - racerback tank top - corset belt (mmm patent) - cigarette leg jeans (death to skinny and flared, me no likey) - biker boots!! (Miu Miu yan ha)
- suspender bustier - black drape wrap - gray drape front cardigan - pinstriped pants - suede jeweled heel ankle boots - heart necklace - lots of chunky rings - deep red nailpolish
Tired of way too much lace, studs, spikes, Victorian, medieval, too much glossy leather, zippers, straps and buckles? I'm still a subcult fan but just don't think I could pull any of that off.
It definitely gets cheesy and too costumey sometimes, from what I see in a lot of people (particularly white 15-year-olds on the internet, meh). Never mind.
I hope this looks more grown up and subtle while still retaining the statement big time. Still had the tattered look to it. Not sure anymore about the bustier. Those are Prada heels btw. :P
***
I'm not liking the weather at all. D:
I've discovered this thing called stepmania. Been looking for ways to start on DDR without hitting the arcades and we have no PS2.
Gusto ko mag LOA, di naman dahil tinatamad. Basta.
Say hi to pics of me looking retarded if not constipated.
That was part 2 of the bleaching since I wanted it blonde so I can dye it whatever color I want. One more to go I guess, but it can't be too soon or it fries.
But then I thought to myself "it's Monday tomorrow (today na yan)! I can't go to school with this half-assed orange hair!" So I washed in some purple powder to take out the yellow undertones. Perhaps too much. Now it's ashy and the blonde parts have a greenish grayish tinge. Awful, but I feel like a happy kid anyway.
It shall be finished! Wish my cheap DIY ass some luck.
Holy week got me bored.
Photoshop makes life both easy and worse. I mean, my skin is still real bad, still juvenile. And then you see me offline...oh my god I'm a geek.
Me and Marga and Co. will have a shoot. :D The point is to have fun so I must NOT go all Kubrick-Yoshiki on anyone. Bang bang.
I'm never up early. You know that. Especially if it's about 7 or 8 in the AM on a free day. No bloody way am I ever up early. Sometimes, when I need to, I just stay awake. Just to make it on time.
My maximum was 3 days. Not trying to set a record. Just circumstances. On no sleep days our bodies pump extra adrenaline and we get hyper and then we crash. Sometimes I think I need that hyper for snap decision-making, looking wakeful, or just plain fun. Then watch me sleep like a corpse.
MOVIES AND ETC:
Why is almost everyone taking up a Psych (Delesyu, UST, ADMU) or MMA (Tawid) course? Seems most of my friends are.
I realize that our comp's combo drive plays the DVD well only until past half the movie. It wasn't bad disc, it's bad drive. Which sucks because I just could not finish Trainspotting or Pan's Lab and still have stacks to go. Watching Trainspotting is going to give me an Irish twang. Happens. Glad I never really watched an entire episode of Croc Hunter. If I hung out with a Brit, I'll talk like him or her afterwards, I just know it.
PHOTOGRAPHY GOAL:
I've decided that my ultimate goal will be tasteful erotic or fetish photography. Classy and bordering on fashion photography. Elegant, sensual, moody, powerful, feminine. But only on women. I guess I'll shoot cocain chic themes as well. Meh. Or if it's a dude, I'll just make it all rockstar. I look up to Helmut Newton but most of all to Ellen Von Unwerth. Click on the following links: Example 01, Example 02, Example 03.
Problem is looking for someone who has the guts and looks for it. I haven't even practiced yet. All my friends are cam shy. Almost.
OTHER THINGS:
Earlier today I tried to lighten my hair and now a chunk of it is auburn. I'll bleach it again until it turns blonde so I can dye it purple. I have pixie ambitions. Maybe lose ten pounds and get a septum. I kid I kid!
Watchmen will be a movie. Yay, Alan Moore is fuming now. Haha. Still haven't started. Friend lent me his copy.
This entry is dumb!
Now I present you a Rhianna video they rarely show. Which is very cool. I like her hair.
I'm addicted to bootlegs. The stack on the left (and lots more offcam) is the to-watch. The stack on the right is the solved stack (which looks taller only because some bootlegs have cases so konti pa napapanood ko). I've whined about it so many times but OUR DVD PLAYER IS NOT WORKING.
Today I found Darjeeling Limited, Crazy Horse show (yay!), Seventh Seal, Ghost World (at last!). Not so long ago, I got Nosferatu. YAY! Happy Colalalalala.
Holy week is reeally boring for us for obvious reasons. - lack of transpo (noo, trains!) - closed establishments (noo, Bench Fix!) - people at home hogging the pc (except now but then they're all asleep and I can't crank up volume) - people at home hogging the TV (hurray for cable otherwise all you get are Jesus shows)
Who wants to picnic with me? Pot luck or something. I AM SO BORED. But I made it through one day. All I have are cans of Century Tuna, sorry.
I'll make up with a more substantial entry next post.
Also, add me up in FriendStiror FaceBook if you haven't yet. It's one way I keep track of people old and new. Nevermind, I'll look for you.
***
PS: compare
Song by Curve
Song by Garbage
Coincidence? :D Curve came first. Butch Vig liked them and adopted their style. Yes, they sound so much alike.
I know I know, but Garbage is still my number one. I couldn't care less. Few new photos in my Random Objects folder.
I had some alone-time at home and watched Breakfast on Pluto starring Cillian Murphy as a transvestite in the 60s who left his small town for London. Cillian was awesome in it. The movie has interesting color schemes and I'm crazy about color schemes. Lots of amusing parts in the film but almost made me cry in certain bits.
I love Cillian's character, Patrick "Kitten" Braden. He or she never took him/herself seriously despite the less-than-forgiving circumstances and people around (I refer to trans' according to the gender they're taking on so I'll use she here). Laughs it off. Irrepressible, strong, yet cotton-candy-tender. She'd otherwise be in 24/7 tears if she didn't add some fantasy in waking life and boy were they funny.
"Murphy's turn as the irrepressible Kitten is simply mesmerizing - outrageous, tender and full of the sort of deep pain that no amount of make-up can conceal."
Ohh, Cillian. :D
GOOD DAYS:
Today I was alone at home, with no load and no internet earlier but I was freakin' OK. Not an euphoric happy. Not blank, not getting either of the "Gloomz or Hollows." Not having gotten freshly out of wreckage either. And for the record, I'm not inlove ha. I just found myself smiling and times like these don't come often. May or may not be in the wake of the spicy-sweet weekend, but what the hell.
Being by myself used to really really suck but lately less and less so. Proves I'm really improving and that what I want, I can get. That we're in control and will not be slave to circumstances or chemicals or silly words and terms or silly fate.
But what you want, and I mean REALLY want, you can get.
I've tons of people to thank. Mom over there and dad over here. My friends. They're the heroes, the living legends (to one of them, just figuratively living, heheh).
